Don’t Let Your Thoughts Control You: How to Stop Ruminating Thoughts

 
A woman sits twirling her hair on a pencil while thinking next to text about how to not let your thoughts control you
 

Do you ever find yourself replaying a conversation that you had with a friend the day before, trying to figure out if you said something to offend them?

Or do you ever find yourself “ping pong-ing” back and forth in your mind, trying to make the “right” decision?

If you do either of these things, you are ruminating!

The practice of ruminating is when you are fixating on a certain thought. How do you know you are ruminating? You’re ruminating if you find yourself: 

  • Directing attention to a thought or monitoring a thought

  • Trying to figure something out

  • Keeping your guard up - directing your attention toward the possibility of a threat

  • Pushing away thoughts

  • Purposefully distracting yourself from the thought

  • Talking to yourself about the thought and judging yourself for doing so


If you're doing some or all of the above, you're ruminating. Which one above best describes your pattern? 

But don’t let this frustrate you – while thoughts may not be controllable, rumination is controllable. Your engagement with the thoughts is controllable. Let me show you how! 

Strategies to Stop Ruminating

We all ruminate at times. But there are ways to cope with ruminating thought patterns. There are strategies to help you put a stop to unhelpful, negative or harmful thoughts, including: 

  • Stop directing your attention to the problem - just let it be in your awareness

  • Stop trying to analyze the thought or problem that can't be solved (think of it this way - your stuck thought is like an unsolvable math problem. Let it go!)

  • Don't push the thought away by distraction, mindfulness, or telling yourself to stop thinking about the thought

  • Stop judging yourself for having the thought and not being able to stop ruminating

  • Practice, practice, practice

Your thoughts are just that - thoughts.


A college student client of mine came to me, expressing that she was always questioning whether she selected the “right” college. She is happy and likes her school, but wonders “Was there a better option out there for me?” Thinking about this as often as she does, she is missing out on being present - with friends, and with her entire college experience. I counseled the student using the above strategies to help her find peace with her thoughts and help her enjoy her time at university - to the fullest. 


Don’t Swat That Bee!  

I often share the “bee metaphor” with my clients to explain rumination. If there is a bee flying around your head, the worst thing to do is to swat at it, right? If you do, chances are it will sting you. 

But, if you let the bee buzz around you without giving it any attention, the likelihood is that it will eventually fly away. Just like your thoughts. The bee – and your thoughts – may be in your awareness, but you don’t need to do anything about it. It will likely feel uncomfortable, especially at first, but that is to be expected. The more you practice letting that thought exist, and not “swatting” at it, the more this becomes second nature. 

I ruminate at times, too – it might be about something that I said in a therapy session, or about a decision that I need to make. Yes, even therapists ruminate – we’re human! But we have the tools at our fingertips – ones that we share with you – to lessen and even eliminate the rumination cycle. 

Let me know – what strategy will you put into place to stop your unhelpful thought patterns?